Home

So today I have been in Memphis a few days past a month. And I'm starting to get homesick pangs. They have come before in quick short bursts but this one seems to be lasting a little longer. I seem to be home a lot by myself and I will just sit in my room and lay in bed all day, feeling a little over whelmed and depressed. It seems all I have been doing so far is, be home alone or go to work. I occasionally go out with my roommates to a small gathering but even then, I feel like I'm walking on thin ice. That I'm surrounded by my sisters friends and not my own. It also doesn't help that I'm the youngest person in the community. There is one person I have met here my age, and that friendship is already burning on a short fuse.

It wouldn't be so bad if I were in school and around other people my age, but I have no way to meet people. I mean I work durin the day so everyone there is way older, and pretty much all Mexican.. And I don't know how to talk to them. But that's a completely different issue/rant.

Another thing is, my sister and I are not close. At all. Especially since she is ten years older than me and practically raised me(to the extent that I was raised) until I was eight. So we don't have a whole lot of emotional attachment. So I have lacked human contact for around a month also. I mean, it's not huge gestures, but little moments like when my mom would be reading a book on the couch and I would just go sit with her and rest my head on her shoulder and she would run her fingers through my hair. Or after I would get out of the shower at night and walk into her room and lay across her legs or up beside her in her bed, and just talk a little. I haven't had so much as a warm hug. Or even having my mom walk by me after she gets home from her shift at work and she smells like the hospital and latex gloves.

I guess since I don't have those things around now I notice them a lot more.