So today I have been in Memphis a few days past a month. And I'm starting to get homesick pangs. They have come before in quick short bursts but this one seems to be lasting a little longer. I seem to be home a lot by myself and I will just sit in my room and lay in bed all day, feeling a little over whelmed and depressed. It seems all I have been doing so far is, be home alone or go to work. I occasionally go out with my roommates to a small gathering but even then, I feel like I'm walking on thin ice. That I'm surrounded by my sisters friends and not my own. It also doesn't help that I'm the youngest person in the community. There is one person I have met here my age, and that friendship is already burning on a short fuse.
It wouldn't be so bad if I were in school and around other people my age, but I have no way to meet people. I mean I work durin the day so everyone there is way older, and pretty much all Mexican.. And I don't know how to talk to them. But that's a completely different issue/rant.
Another thing is, my sister and I are not close. At all. Especially since she is ten years older than me and practically raised me(to the extent that I was raised) until I was eight. So we don't have a whole lot of emotional attachment. So I have lacked human contact for around a month also. I mean, it's not huge gestures, but little moments like when my mom would be reading a book on the couch and I would just go sit with her and rest my head on her shoulder and she would run her fingers through my hair. Or after I would get out of the shower at night and walk into her room and lay across her legs or up beside her in her bed, and just talk a little. I haven't had so much as a warm hug. Or even having my mom walk by me after she gets home from her shift at work and she smells like the hospital and latex gloves.
I guess since I don't have those things around now I notice them a lot more.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Saturday, September 15, 2012
A bit of a tangent but some food for thought. On about 3 different levels
So, it's been about 2 1/2 weeks since my last post (oops) but I decided that in light of recent events I would step away from my adventure and post about something on my mind instead.
As I said before I'm from Missouri. Springfield to be exact. Or at least that's where the last destination happened to be. Well, right now the community I was a part of is a wreckage of broken hearts and mourning souls because of a tragic accident that involved a family close to many people I knew and were close to myself. It happened about 24 hours ago at about 1 am Saturday morning. A man named John Lambert took his three kids, Grayson (16), Mckinley (15), and Josh (10) along with a family friend to a KC Royals game. And on their way home their private plane plummeted to the ground in a small town named Willard about 5 miles away from the airport that was their planned destination. The wreck killed all five of the passengers.
I couldn't say I was close to Grayson or Mckinley even though I went to school with them. But I did know Grayson. He played soccer for Glendale as did my brother Joe. He was a freshman when Joe was a senior. And ever since Joe was a freshman I supported him and went to every home, along with many away games. Therefore it was very easy for me to learn all of his teammates names and faces. I even continued to go to the games after he graduated because I had became friends with many of the boys who were younger than him. So I knew very well who Grayson was. So with this tragedy as my inspiration I decided to focus this post on death.
I feel we often take life for granted. And yes, I know everyone says that and it's so cliche. But in all honesty, no matter how many times people say that sentence, it still rings true. I still know teenagers who fight with there parents and yell I hate you before storming off. Hell, I was that teenager once. And yes, of course their parents know it isn't true, but what if, what if, that said teenager snuck out that night. What if they got picked up by some friends and went to a party. What if there was alcohol. What if someone decided to drive home drunk? And what if that sentence was the last thing that parent heard come from their teenager. That sticks. That knife in their heart doesn't go away. I hate you. The last words spoken. In reality it wasn't true. But it's the last thing they have. The last sound they heard from their child ringing in their ears. Is that what we want? To leave our loved ones questioning what they know? Don't let those words linger. Of course things are bound to slip like that, but don't walk away and have that heavy in the air for a long time. You never know what could happen or when the last breath you breathe will be.
Another thought (warning its going to get a bit biblical and opinionated about a teste subject) connected to this topic that I have is the old proverb that says "the night is always darkest just before the dawn" and I'm sure many of you will recognize it because it was made even more famous than it already was by Mr. Harvey Dent from The Dark Knight. I believe this has more than one meaning personally. First of all, when people are going through rough times, they say it will get worse before it gets better. And I believe in some circumstances, that is certainly true.
But on a deeper train of thought, I believe this is talking about the world itself. Not scientifically or anything but the human race and the way we live and the way the world is right now. My mother has been talking with me a lot recently about how we are nearing the end times. And many believers will agree with this. The world is said to end in chaos and destruction and when there is no hope for humanity is when our savior will come again. And in the last 3 or 4 years I can count at least 35 kids that I have known or gone to school with or been close with someone that knew them, that have died under the age of 20. That is not normal. For that many, in 3 years that one person knows under the age of 20. I believe it is a sign of end times. Along with all the chaos going on in Israel. I believe there have been signs of the end times for at least the past 10 years. And I think that the dawn is the second coming. And that it is very very dark right now. So you all may want to take a minute or two and reconsider some decisions or make sure you got your faith strapped on. Because once stuff starts going down, it'll be too late.
As I said before I'm from Missouri. Springfield to be exact. Or at least that's where the last destination happened to be. Well, right now the community I was a part of is a wreckage of broken hearts and mourning souls because of a tragic accident that involved a family close to many people I knew and were close to myself. It happened about 24 hours ago at about 1 am Saturday morning. A man named John Lambert took his three kids, Grayson (16), Mckinley (15), and Josh (10) along with a family friend to a KC Royals game. And on their way home their private plane plummeted to the ground in a small town named Willard about 5 miles away from the airport that was their planned destination. The wreck killed all five of the passengers.
I couldn't say I was close to Grayson or Mckinley even though I went to school with them. But I did know Grayson. He played soccer for Glendale as did my brother Joe. He was a freshman when Joe was a senior. And ever since Joe was a freshman I supported him and went to every home, along with many away games. Therefore it was very easy for me to learn all of his teammates names and faces. I even continued to go to the games after he graduated because I had became friends with many of the boys who were younger than him. So I knew very well who Grayson was. So with this tragedy as my inspiration I decided to focus this post on death.
I feel we often take life for granted. And yes, I know everyone says that and it's so cliche. But in all honesty, no matter how many times people say that sentence, it still rings true. I still know teenagers who fight with there parents and yell I hate you before storming off. Hell, I was that teenager once. And yes, of course their parents know it isn't true, but what if, what if, that said teenager snuck out that night. What if they got picked up by some friends and went to a party. What if there was alcohol. What if someone decided to drive home drunk? And what if that sentence was the last thing that parent heard come from their teenager. That sticks. That knife in their heart doesn't go away. I hate you. The last words spoken. In reality it wasn't true. But it's the last thing they have. The last sound they heard from their child ringing in their ears. Is that what we want? To leave our loved ones questioning what they know? Don't let those words linger. Of course things are bound to slip like that, but don't walk away and have that heavy in the air for a long time. You never know what could happen or when the last breath you breathe will be.
Another thought (warning its going to get a bit biblical and opinionated about a teste subject) connected to this topic that I have is the old proverb that says "the night is always darkest just before the dawn" and I'm sure many of you will recognize it because it was made even more famous than it already was by Mr. Harvey Dent from The Dark Knight. I believe this has more than one meaning personally. First of all, when people are going through rough times, they say it will get worse before it gets better. And I believe in some circumstances, that is certainly true.
But on a deeper train of thought, I believe this is talking about the world itself. Not scientifically or anything but the human race and the way we live and the way the world is right now. My mother has been talking with me a lot recently about how we are nearing the end times. And many believers will agree with this. The world is said to end in chaos and destruction and when there is no hope for humanity is when our savior will come again. And in the last 3 or 4 years I can count at least 35 kids that I have known or gone to school with or been close with someone that knew them, that have died under the age of 20. That is not normal. For that many, in 3 years that one person knows under the age of 20. I believe it is a sign of end times. Along with all the chaos going on in Israel. I believe there have been signs of the end times for at least the past 10 years. And I think that the dawn is the second coming. And that it is very very dark right now. So you all may want to take a minute or two and reconsider some decisions or make sure you got your faith strapped on. Because once stuff starts going down, it'll be too late.
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